We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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