he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
