I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
