can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
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I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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