Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
