I hate your face
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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