the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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