goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
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I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
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While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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