I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
