On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
