I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
of course. lets lasso hookers.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
