woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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