Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
