Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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