We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
