i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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