the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
