I'm pants shitting drunk right now
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
