dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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