1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
just tell him i said nine months
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
