i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I feel like death gave me a hand job
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
