you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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