i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
