just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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