For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
