who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
