I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
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can u get pink eye on your cock?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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