I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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