fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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