as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
