I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
