is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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