you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
