Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
