Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
