Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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