I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
