He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
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We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
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Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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