i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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