gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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