Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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