Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
