Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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