I love black thongs
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
