anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
