I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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