Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
