He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
