I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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