in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
