The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
