I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
