please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
