I'm lost and stupid without you.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
