his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
