In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
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One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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