I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
