Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
