I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I lost the right to judge tonight
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
